Lord,
this afternoon the oncologist told Danny
that Danny’s cancer has returned
and that nothing further can be done.
The oncologist shook Danny’s hand,
wished him good luck
and said, “Goodbye”.

We are devastated.

This evening
I enter the chapel at Carraigart
and kneel in the presence
of the Blessed Sacrament.
By the altar
I see a huge, wooden cross.
As I look at you, Lord,
stretched out on that cross
I realise that there is no need for me
to try to describe suffering
to you.
You know all about
the terror of facing what must be.
You know all about
the feeling of helplessness
as you watch the suffering
of those closest to you.
Without me having to tell you,
you know exactly
how Danny, Dolores and Paul feel
right now
in their own personal
Agony in the Garden.

In my mind’s eye
I see myself once more
as your wee girl
and I clamber up
onto your knee,
snuggling in close to you.
“Look after Danny“, I whisper.
“Help Danny to deal with this
and when the time comes,
don’t let him be afraid.”

I feel your arms tighten around me
and I hear you say,
“Claire,
I’ll not leave Danny’s side,
not even for one second.
I’ll be with Danny
and Dolores
and Paul
every step of the way.
I have loved Danny
since before the creation of the world.
I’ll look after Danny for you.
Trust me.”

And in the peace and silence
of the chapel at Carraigart
I kneel
and I find comfort
in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

© Claire Murray, 9th July 2013