During Holy Week
I find myself looking back over my Lent
and I am unimpressed.
I have broken my Lent
so many times
and if I’m really honest with myself
I don’t believe
that I took it seriously.
My effort is pitiful.
I feel disappointed with myself
and deeply humbled
by my own weakness.

I feel like a failure.

I sense the My God speaking to me,
asking, gently,
“So, you see yourself as a failure?
Would you like me to tell you what I see?”
I nod.

My God answers:

“I see a woman
who tried to give up
some of her favourite treats for me
and struggled.
She now has a much greater sense
of her own weaknesses
and she is a humbler person
for the experience.

“I see a woman
who has been honest enough with herself
to admit
that she didn’t take this Lent seriously
and who is already planning
how she can approach Lent next year
in a more mature manner.

“I see a woman
who has been learning the vital importance
of forgiving others
and who has discovered the powerful liberation
that this gives her in return.

“I see a woman
who came to me at the start of Lent
praying that, during Lent,
she would draw closer to me.
She is certainly closer to me now
than she was at the beginning of Lent.

“Claire,
do you think that I see your Lent as a failure?”
I shake my head
and smile.

© Claire Murray, 15 April 2014