Monthly Archives: September 2013

Just In Case

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There’s been a sudden flurry of activity
at Danny and Dolores’s house –
nurses and doctors coming and going,
discussions going on,
action plans being drawn up,
phone numbers being exchanged,
supplies being bought in,
just in case.

Procedures are being put in place
in case Danny takes ill
suddenly.
These plans are meticulous,
immensely practical
and chilling to hear.
These plans are essential
just in case.

I feel as if, right now,
I live in the company of Death
and I suspect
that other members of the family
feel the same.

But not Danny!

Through all of this,
Danny greets us with a smile
and I get the distinct impression
that Danny looks Death in the eye,
smiles and says,
“Sure never worry about that fella there yet.
He won’t come before his time
and it’s not his time yet!”

These past few days
I have felt a sense
of dread and apprehension
as I live
in the company of Death
while Danny
on the other hand lives,
at peace,
in the company of His God.

In the meantime,
the flurry of activity continues
just in case.

© Claire Murray, 29th September 2013

Trinity

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Lord,
tonight Paul and I are at Exposition
at Aldergrove.

W – O – W ! ! !

It is so beautiful
and peaceful
and simple.

Two squat candles stand
on a small altar
sculpted out of granite.
The red sanctuary lamp is lit,
announcing the presence of My God.
Plain, arch window panes are framed
by white, sweeping, arch window frames.
The tiny chapel is filled
with gentle light,
a sense of peace
and a sense of prayer.

Paul and I kneel
before the Blessed Sacrament,
united in prayer.
I feel a strong sense of belonging
and I have a feeling
that here is a Trinity
of God, Paul and Claire.
I feel that, in our marriage vows,
three have somehow become one,
united,
in a bond of love.

I feel that my faith journey
and Paul’s faith journey
are inextricably linked
and I feel that,
as we kneel in prayer,
in the blessed presence of Our God,
God unites the three of us
in a special way
in love.

© Claire Murray

Getting Ready to Go

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Lord,
today Danny insisted
that he had to tidy out the garage.
When asked “Why?”
Danny replied,
“I want to do it
while I still can.”

Danny’s tumour is growing bigger.
Danny’s pain is growing stronger.
Danny is growing thinner.
Danny is growing more tired.

Danny is getting ready to go.

Lord,
bless Dolores and Paul
who have to watch Danny suffer
each day
and help all of us to enjoy
the precious gift of Danny’s life
while we still have it.

But most of all, Lord,
bless Danny
as he prepares,
in his own quiet way,
to meet you
face to face
when his time comes.

© Claire Murray, 18th September 2013

Lost and Found (Luke 15: 11-32)

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A young man stood,
with all of the arrogance of youth,
looking down at his father
impatiently.
He viewed with disdain
the life that his father,
by dint of hard work,
had carved out for himself
and his family.
This was all such a waste of time
when there was a whole world out there,
waiting for him to discover
and enjoy!

The young man stood, confidently,
demanding to be given
all that was rightfully his,
refusing to listen to reason
as his father tried to encourage him
not to rush headlong, headstrong
and alone
into this venture.

But the young man’s mind was made up
and he later set off,
with his fortune in a bag
and a spring in his step,
looking forward to meeting
the destiny that he desired.

His father was inconsolable;
his beloved son was lost to him.

Some years later,
a bedraggled figure approached
the family home
uncertainly,
and the father gave a roar of delight
at the return of his long-lost son.
He rushed to meet his son,
greeting him with a bear hug.
The young man stood before him,
looking down at the ground,
unable to meet his father’s eyes.

This young man had lost
everything.
After initially living the high life
in an exotic land,
partying and celebrating,
he had lost all of his fortune
and with it,
all of his fair weather friends.
He had been left penniless,
alone,
and so lonely!

But just when he thought
that he had lost everything,
the young man found wisdom.
He realised
that his difficulties
were entirely of his own making
and that he had nobody to blame
but himself.

The young man found inspiration
when he realised
that he could go home to his father
and take up a place there,
not as a son,
but as one of the farm labourers.

The young man found humility
and decided to return to his father
and to admit
that he had been oh, so wrong.

The young man found courage
that he needed
to return home and face public humiliation
because of his abject failure.

Finally,
as the humble and penitent young man stood before his father,
looking down at the ground,
he found forgiveness
and he realised
that he hadn’t lost everything after all;
he had found his father’s love.

Nothing else mattered.

© Claire Murray

That Friday Feeling!

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I leave work on a mild, September afternoon
after an unexpectedly trouble-free Friday
to cycle home along the Tow Path.

I feel the warm sun on my face
and the wind on my back.
I see patches of blue in an autumn sky.
I see the still Lagan reflecting a world
that is green, bright, beautiful
and only slightly imperfect.

A whole weekend stretches out before me.
Time to rest, take life easy
and spend precious time
with those I love.

Bliss!

But best of all,
a sense of peace and well-being fills me,
a sense that all of the difficulties that I face
can be resolved
with the help of My God
who can see a solution to each of my difficulties,
a solution that is sometimes obvious
and sometimes unexpected,
a solution that only He can provide.

I cycle home,
delighting in that Friday feeling,
savouring a sense of being cared-for by My God
and convinced
that all will be well.

© Claire Murray

Nesting

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Lord,
just before a baby is born
an expectant mother often goes
on an extensive tidying spree,
cleaning the entire house
and making sure that everything is ready
for new arrival.
People call this “nesting”.

I’m aware that these days,
Danny is busy organising
wee chores about his house.
I see new skirting boards being fitted,
doors and locks being replaced,
the garage being tidied
and I think to myself,
“Danny’s nesting”.

Except,
Danny’s not preparing for a new arrival;
he’s preparing for his own departure.

Lord,
be with Danny
as he prepares quietly
and without a fuss
for a death
that he has accepted.

Stay with him, Lord
and give him a sense
of your loving, comforting presence
as he goes about “nesting” in his own house
and prepares
to enter yours.

© Claire Murray, 7th September 2013

Blue Sky!

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One autumn morning
I cycled to work
enjoying an unexpected treat –
the heat of the sun
on my face.

I glanced up
and saw a blue sky.
“Look, the sky’s blue today!”
I exclaimed in delight
to My God.

My God smiled
and began to tease me gently.
“Claire,
you do realise
that the sky is blue every day?
It’s just that sometimes
clouds get in the way
and hide it from you.
But never lose faith,
the blue sky is always there
even when you can’t see it
for all of the clouds!”

We both laughed
and on my way to work,
along the Tow Path,
I sat for a while
and took the time to enjoy
the unexpected pleasure
of a blue sky
on an autumn morning
in the company of My God.

© Claire Murray

Once in a Blue Moon

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Lord,
once in a blue moon
I meet someone I really don’t like
and even the sight of them
puts me in bad form.
I know that I am called
to love everyone.
and I feel that in my best efforts
to be a good Christian,
I’m failing miserably.

I don’t know how to deal with this.

Claire,
I know who you’re thinking about
as you write this
and I want to tell you something.
Even though you see that person
as a grown man,
in my eyes
he is one of my own little ones.
I have a real soft spot for him
and I love him to bits.
Don’t be fooled
by that gruff exterior;
inside is a tiny child of mine.

I want you to do something for me.
Stop using the nickname
that you devised for him;
it’s unkind
and in using it
you are not recognising this man as a person.
Go to the trouble of learning this man’s name
and show respect for him
by using it.

Claire,
loving people isn’t easy
but try to remember
that this man is precious in my eyes
just like you!

(c) Claire Murray