Lord,
for a long, long time
I have thought
that one of the most hurtful things
in the world
is for people to laugh at you.

Often,
when I think about your Passion,
I wonder which hurt you more –
the physical pain
of your torture and execution
or being made look like a fool
in front of thousands of people?
Crowds jeered
when they saw you standing,
bruised, bloodied,
trembling with pain
and dressed up
as a farce of a king,
wearing a fine cloak,
thorns for a crown
and a twig as a staff.
You were portrayed publically
as a fool ,
an object of ridicule,
the butt of Pilate’s cruel joke.

Lord,
which hurt you more –
your aching body
or your broken heart?
And how were you ever able
to forgive Pilate
for making a holy show of you?

“Claire,
you ask some difficult questions!
You’re asking me which hurt more,
the physical pain
or the public humiliation?
I already knew
just how cruel people could be
and how weak
even the best-intentioned friend could be.
So the answer to your question is –
neither.
I would have endured all of that pain
a thousand times over
for love of my Father
and for love of mankind.

“What caused me the deepest pain
was the feeling, on the cross,
of having been forsaken by my Father.
That feeling of being abandoned
was worse
than the excruciating physical pain
and the mental anguish
combined.

“But you also ask me
about Pontius.
Believe it or not,
Pontius was actually my strongest ally.
He tried to save me from death
by turning me into a laughing stock.
So don’t be too hard on Pontius;
he was only being cruel
to be kind.”

© Claire Murray, 22nd April 2014

During Holy Week
I find myself looking back over my Lent
and I am unimpressed.
I have broken my Lent
so many times
and if I’m really honest with myself
I don’t believe
that I took it seriously.
My effort is pitiful.
I feel disappointed with myself
and deeply humbled
by my own weakness.

I feel like a failure.

I sense the My God speaking to me,
asking, gently,
“So, you see yourself as a failure?
Would you like me to tell you what I see?”
I nod.

My God answers:

“I see a woman
who tried to give up
some of her favourite treats for me
and struggled.
She now has a much greater sense
of her own weaknesses
and she is a humbler person
for the experience.

“I see a woman
who has been honest enough with herself
to admit
that she didn’t take this Lent seriously
and who is already planning
how she can approach Lent next year
in a more mature manner.

“I see a woman
who has been learning the vital importance
of forgiving others
and who has discovered the powerful liberation
that this gives her in return.

“I see a woman
who came to me at the start of Lent
praying that, during Lent,
she would draw closer to me.
She is certainly closer to me now
than she was at the beginning of Lent.

“Claire,
do you think that I see your Lent as a failure?”
I shake my head
and smile.

© Claire Murray, 15 April 2014