Danny was a quiet man
of gentle humour,
tremendous faith
and with a deep love of his family.

Danny battled cancer
for over two years
with courage, dignity and faith.

Last Monday,
while Dolores sat by his side,
Danny slipped peacefully
from this life
into eternity.

May he rest in peace.

© Claire Murray, 11th May 2014

Danny used to be a man
of tremendous energy.
Even late into his seventies
he would spend hours
cleaning cars,
clearing gutters
washing windows,
trimming long hedges,
pruning branches,
topping trees,
planting tomatoes,
fixing paths,
cleaning out fountains,
removing moss,
gathering strawberries.

Danny never seemed to stop.

But Danny’s not well
and he was tired today,
not because of long hours spent
in his beloved garden,
or a long day’s shopping in town.
Danny was tired after a short trip into town
because the shoes he was wearing
were too heavy.

Danny has lost his appetite.
and is losing weight.
He losing sleep
and is losing energy.
He’s losing confidence.
Bit by bit
and day by day,
we’re losing Danny.

© Claire Murray, 29 June 2012

My God is tall and strong.
Usually he walks taking great strides
but today
My God is treading carefully,
his hands cupped together
in front of his chest,
gently carrying something
that is clearly precious to him.

He steps carefully
so as not to disturb
the cherished bundle
that he keeps
close to his heart.

I look closer,
trying to see what My God is carrying
with such tenderness.

It’s Danny.

My God is carrying Danny
with care,
with love,
protecting him,
keeping him safe.

This illness is not something
that Danny has to endure alone.
My God is with Danny
every step of the way,
carrying him.

Danny is safe
in the loving hands of My God.
© Claire Murray, 28 November 2012

Lord,
this afternoon the oncologist told Danny
that Danny’s cancer has returned
and that nothing further can be done.
The oncologist shook Danny’s hand,
wished him good luck
and said, “Goodbye”.

We are devastated.

This evening
I enter the chapel at Carraigart
and kneel in the presence
of the Blessed Sacrament.
By the altar
I see a huge, wooden cross.
As I look at you, Lord,
stretched out on that cross
I realise that there is no need for me
to try to describe suffering
to you.
You know all about
the terror of facing what must be.
You know all about
the feeling of helplessness
as you watch the suffering
of those closest to you.
Without me having to tell you,
you know exactly
how Danny, Dolores and Paul feel
right now
in their own personal
Agony in the Garden.

In my mind’s eye
I see myself once more
as your wee girl
and I clamber up
onto your knee,
snuggling in close to you.
“Look after Danny“, I whisper.
“Help Danny to deal with this
and when the time comes,
don’t let him be afraid.”

I feel your arms tighten around me
and I hear you say,
“Claire,
I’ll not leave Danny’s side,
not even for one second.
I’ll be with Danny
and Dolores
and Paul
every step of the way.
I have loved Danny
since before the creation of the world.
I’ll look after Danny for you.
Trust me.”

And in the peace and silence
of the chapel at Carraigart
I kneel
and I find comfort
in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

© Claire Murray, 9th July 2013

Lord,
today I get the impression
that medical staff are bracing themselves
for the difficulties
surrounding the treatment of Danny’s tumour
which continues to grow
inexorably.

Today, Danny hears disturbing news
about the progress of his tumour.
Dolores is upset
but Danny is totally unperturbed,
receiving bad news
without a flinch.

As I chat away to Danny
about cats, hedges
and spuds from Dungiven,
I am filled with amazement
and admiration
for a man of tremendous courage
and faith
who has chosen to live life
rather than counting down to death.

I have a sense
that here is a man
who is being held tenderly
in the palm of God’s hand
and I say a quick prayer of thanksgiving
to My God
for taking such exceptional care
of Danny,
whom I love dearly.

© Claire Murray, 24th August 2013

Lord,
Danny and Dolores headed off gallivanting today,
their destination,
a long-awaited shopping trip to Newry.

Danny and Dolores’s first text announced their arrival
at the Europa Bus Station.
Another text informed us
that Danny and Dolores were now enjoying lunch
in The Shelbourne.
A final text arrived to say
that Danny and Dolores were now back home
safe and sound.

When we visited after work
Danny and Dolores were grinning
from ear to ear.
Tales were told about
the luxurious bus,
a friendly bus driver,
a delightful lunch at The Shelbourne,
and, of course,
seasoned shoppers’ assessments
of Newry’s shops!

Danny and Dolores had dandered around Newry,
enjoying its shops, its food
and each other’s company!
Danny and Dolores had had a ball
and had returned from their excursion
tired, excited and satisfied.

Only two weeks ago
the pain and tiredness caused by Danny’s illness
had forced him to shelve any plans
for a shopping trip to Newry.
For us, Danny feeling well enough
to undertake that journey
was simply the height of luxury.

Lord,
in the darkness of Danny’s illness
today stood out as a real jewel of a day,
a cause for celebration
and for giving thanks.
Danny and Dolores’s gallivanting today
felt like a very special gift from you.

T H A N K Y O U, L O R D ! ! !

© Claire Murray, 21st November 2013

Lord,
I can see that Danny is gradually shrinking.
Danny is growing thinner
and his face looks smaller.
His sandy hair now has to be kept cropped short
and Danny stoops slightly
in an effort to relieve the pain
caused by his tumour.

Danny feels the cold
when other people don’t.
He no longer has the energy
to walk to the bus stop
up on the main road.
Danny sleeps more.

And as Danny shrinks
his tumour grows
and his pain increases.

And yet, Lord,
despite Danny’s body being attacked by cancer,
his spirit remains intact
and his trust in You never falters.
Danny has a deep, deep faith
that he draws on every day.

Lord, walk with Danny
as he makes his difficult journey
quietly and uncomplainingly.
Surround Danny with Your love.
Be gentle with Danny
and help him not to be afraid
and when the time comes
for Danny to complete his journey
remind him gently
that you are right by his side.

© Claire Murray, 21st December 2013

In childhood
I watched adverts on TV
in which children eagerly devoured bowls
of porridge-like cereal,
donned warm coats and hats
and raced out of the house
on a dull winter’s morning
on their way to school.
Each child was surrounded
by a bright orange glow
and appeared to be oblivious to the cold.
These children had eaten Ready Brek!

In adulthood
I watch Danny every day
as he faces up to his cancer
with resilience, acceptance
and a sense of humour.
Danny doesn’t take Ready Brek
for his breakfast
but he is nourished every day
by his faith.

I have a sense
that Danny spends every day
in the company of Jesus
who tends to him
in the most gentle of ways,
cocooning him,
protecting him,
keeping him safe.

I’m convinced
that Danny’s faith forms
a protective barrier around him
and shields him from much of the anguish
that cancer can bring.

Danny’s faith is like Danny’s own spiritual Ready Brek.

© Claire Murray, 15th January 2014

On my birthday
a friend asks me
whether this is a special birthday.
“No, it’s not,” I reply
because, officially, it isn’t.
But unofficially,
this is a special birthday
for one very important reason –
Danny is still here
to enjoy it with me.

Time with Danny
is very precious right now
and being able to call with Danny and Dolores
on my birthday
is a luxury
that I fully intend to savour.

As our wee family lives each day
immersed in Danny’s illness,
My God gifts us
with golden moments,
delightful, happy memories to cherish
such as this birthday.

Today I give thanks to My God
for a very special birthday
shared with a very special person –
Danny.

© Claire Murray, 28th March 2014